Intergalactic Trade ≠ Federal Question

Plaintiff, suing in his capacity as “God of the Earth Realm” and “Trust Protector of the American Indian Tribe of משֶׁ ה Moses,” complained of, inter alia, conspiracy between the United States and Louisiana to monopolize “intergalactic foreign trade” and sought a “declaration of rights guaranteed . . . by the 1795 Spanish Treaty with the Catholic Majesty of Spain.” Perhaps a Martian or Venusian court will have jurisdiction over his claim, but the Western District of Louisiana does not, as the Fifth Circuit affirmed its finding that it lacked jurisdiction “because the claim[s] asserted [are] so attenuated and unsubstantial as to be absolutely devoid of merit.” Atakapa Indian de Creole Nation v. Louisiana, No. 19-30032 (Dec. 10, 2019).